Complicated

Is life that complicated? Is that what people used when they have problems? or is that i m jst too young to understand? Everybody has their own secrets, and every secrets is untold. Some people is hard to read and understand, some people are jst too afraid to admit things. Well, i guess i m the kind that dont dare to admit things. I run away, and find lots of lots of excuses, and making myself busy, finding other things to do, to forget. Comparison, cant be made to compare people around, because no one can compare each other. The only thing is that, what do u want, what do u really really want in ur life. Its like when you are hungry, u will go to cook to fill up your tummy, with the kind of food that u like and prefer. But if u re on some special diet due to some crictism which hurts ur ego, pride, or any kind of feelings, u will try to control ur diet and sooner or later, it will hurt ur tummy, although the result is what u wanted in the end. U have just sacrificed ur own tummy, which causes it to have gastric. Is that worth it? Trying to cover everything up, yet u hurt urself, by saying u re protecting urself and preventing urself from getting hurt?? I know i shouldn't used food to describe, but well, thats how i can bring out what m i trying to express. Maybe this is just what i think, and maybe this is how i give excusesses to myself. Thats why, till now, i dont really know whether i am facing or avoiding all my problems that is around me. Guess that is why, i m always in lost in myself. Lol.

N0w

I expect too much, and now i knew that its what i get by putting just a lilttle effort in it. I cant put my blame on anyone or anything but myself for not doing all my best. I dunno how to do, what to do. I feel sad. yet i cant cry out loud, and i cant even laugh it out loud. I dunno what am i going to express but just being noisy and of course blogging here right now. Ahhh.. save me save me. I always have a sense that maybe this was not meant for me, yet i end up choosing this path because i wanted to and i believe that i can do it. But right now, somehow, it seems like, well, i've just made a wrong decision. While everyone is studying, i am like day dreaming. I guess all i must do is change this habit of mine.Maybe its time to try harder. But how?? Well, guess its time to work hard... stop doing things that waste my time.... but i cant seems to do that .... hmm.. shecdule...

However... maybe i am just too stupid to be here. I mean, i am not a clever student, and i don't seems to understand things easily. Right now, i am hesitating whether i choose the right path or not. I know i shouldn't be lossing my wheel power to this small things, after all the words that i heard which is more hurt than this, but i dunno why, right now, i am just toooo.... i dunno.... felt like giving up... but i think maybe its just because of this 2 row failure in a day, that's why. Maybe a fake smile really hurts a lot. Must find a way back.. find the positive things... and i know, things will be better... negative thoughts, i will not let u conquer me...

Life....

Sometimes, things would not be like what we think. Well, the only thing is be true to our self and knows that its the right thing to be done. Everything happened for a reason. This is what life is. U wouldn't walk on the path which everything is easy, instead u will encountered difficulties in your route.

In this route of life, u will see many people walking with you either they are here to help you or just simply pass by or they bring harm to u. But hey, this is the juncture that u will know who is your true friends. That's why, i believe that with real friends walking with you in this route, life is more interesting and fun even if u fall in the middle of the walk.

With your loves ones all besides you, this life route is content and blissful. This is the world greatest gift that we earn throughout our life journal, with an appreciate heart.

Words

Simple words that are given by others may bring joy and sadness. But if u can accept it and take it in with an open heart, things will be more easier and there will not be any hard feelings.

Paths of life that u choose sometimes may not be as likely as u think. It do hurts when something is not like what u think it would be. Hey, that is life, u will never know if u never fall. If u fall and stand up, fall again and stand up again, u will learn something from it. It is a simple principle or theory that everyone can understand. However, how many of u really learn from it? How often can u accept the things that others said with an open heart? It hurts, but u still need to get up on your feet. Stand in front of them and show that u can. Words may hurt, but if u are able to use and think of it as a positive way, naturally, u will learn and things will be fun in the process of getting up. People laugh, tease, and make fun of u when u fall. It is the courage that comes within you, true friends of yours, and your family who supports u that pull u up. How do u know? It is the words that comes within blessing of a person. I think.

InneR

Each and everyday i feel like i am getting worst and did not know what to do. Each and every time i am getting better at hiding it safe in the little drawer of my heart and lock it tightly and unleash it when i am struggling. I do not know how i feel right now, but i do know that i am so pathetic right this moment. I felt guilty when i felt like i hurt someone; mind what others think about me; confuse when things went complicated; lost when i have no direction; and sorry when i have make a mistake. I would not realise what i have done and what i just did to others.
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Today, everything seems so wrong for me. It is another usual day, cloudy and seems like its going to rain. And tonight, i will be on my own as my friend, Serene is not going to be with me in the same room again. Well, she is leaving, i mean going back to Kuching, as she is more into pharmacy. Yesterday night was fun, we all had dinner at Noodle Station and bought slices of cakes of different flavour and combined it as a farewell for Serene. Later that, we went back to our hostel and played "truth or dare" till 2.00 a.m. in the morning. It was a night to remember for it was a farewell party for Serene. I am worst when to express my feelings. Lots of thing is in my mind and i do not know what to say. All i know was that i am so lost and did not know what to say to her. It is better that way because i tend to be so clam and be numb as it was like the day when i first came to Penang where i left the family and friends, though it is very very different. Although there were many things happened lately between us, i still could not believe that our moments of together ends right here. Maybe in the future, we will meet again. Till then goodbye and good luck.
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Things are so complicated right now. It is the inner war of myself. There is a part of me wishes to go home and left all the things behind because i really felt sick and sad when i was remind of the issues which arises, which is i maybe will neglected my family. But deep inside i knew that i will regret if this is the reason why i abandon my ambition. So i told mum, and she understands well and gave me the right medicine which i needed so badly from her. Mum told me to stay strong and always pray to God. She even told me this, "it is how you manage your own time. Mommy and daddy will understand that its your responsible. We raise you up, but we are not always there to be with you throughtout your journey in your life. We play our role as parents and support you in all ways." The next thing was, i m crying while i was talking with my mum through the phone. That was when i walked back to hostel in the rainny day in the dark night without taking my umbrella along with me.
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Recently, i really cannot be very positive. The other side of me is still attacking the positive side of mine. When will this war ends? I don't really know. I do really need some advises right now and to strenghten myself. Untill this war ends, so does my silent tears stops, and my sunny day would be back again.

NerV0us.......

Gosh, out of all the sudden i m so nervous right now. I can't believe that i am so nervous as i am looking at the time and it is almost tomorrow. Save me, save me, save me from the nerves. I feel so useless right now. I can't be so positive and i am like going to the route of negative thinking. Ugh, i m so emotional! I can't think of anything to do but keep saying that i am so nervous right now. Everything is so wrong for me now. Why????? Help me, Help me!!!! I really just hope that i can get the SPM result right now to delete this nervous part of me.