Dear blog

I just realize that I haven't update u for like centuries #feels like centuries :x . Guess its time for some lil updates around here. And this will be my first post for 2013. :)

Well, lemme reflect and start thinking about the past. Hmm... *thinking in process* ... *why dun I just skip on what I did for the start of this year? Yea, that would be a good idea*

Year 2013, begins with a match of snow fight. Where I throw u in the snow and make sure u r all covered up with these pretty white sugar icy coating. Sounds fun. Yay. Yet, we are all shivering after that. It's freezing cold with temperature of negative ... ( should be around -10 or lower ), and fireworks are all around the park. That memory seems to stay in my mind cz non of us are not coated with snow, team work of getting down the targeted person, and of all, my favorite is still watching the fireworks. <3 that so much. Hehe.

As time goes on, its exam period. Uh oh... "It's ok, I'm a free lady babe. I'm done with my forth year first sem. Oh ya!" That was after exam. Before exam; "oh no, I can't finish all the topics. What shall I do? Hygiene, will I fail and repeat the exam? What if I'm the first to fail this subject? What's gonna happen to me? What if I can't go travel because of this? Oh my, that's really bad"... All the anxious and negative thoughts rushing in like a flow of steam in Volga river... Finished.

Started my first trip to Europe. First destination, Paris. Bonjour paris. Woohoo. I was so excited till... Oh man, Paris was covered with snow n all the splashy melting snow. Eww, my shoes n socks were socking wet. And it rains. Omg. Yet, it never stops us from going around Paris even though the weather when we were there, seriously were bad, very bad, for a tourist. Finally, I get to take pictures with Eiffel Tower, louvre ( to see the Mona Lisa painting, actually ), etc. and also all sight seeing in Paris, except Versailles due to the bad weather. Sigh. Looking on the bright side, probably this means I'll be going to Paris again? It's an uncertainty. Despite of the bad weather, which I dun really enjoyed it, Paris is really, truly, very beautiful. Love paris so much. <3<3

Second stop, Spain. Hola Espanol. Starting point, Barcelona. Checked in a very cool hostel. Which is so comfy to stay in and the location of it is so so so good. A few second walk, there's Starbucks, a few minutes walk there's shopping heaven and also food heaven. Aww... Thinking about it just make me feel so happy. Certainly my purse wasn't happy about it. As it loses its wealthyness. Then I went to Valencia, Toledo, Segovia, and Madrid. Oh my, I tried some famous dishes in Spain such as roast suckling pork in Segovia, tortilla in Valencia *can get tortilla very where in Spain*, paella in any corner of Spain. There r simply all very delicious. And shopping. Omg. This is heaven man. Zara, breshka, pull and bear and all the Spanish brand u can named. SALES!!! For like very very very REASONABLE... Sigh, kinda regret not buying much. But, as a mommy and daddy lil princess, I'm saving their money :x

My third stop. Portugal, Lisbon. What m I doing here? Well, I'm here to tried the famous Portuguese egg tart. Yum yum. It really taste nice. :) it just add a smile to my face. All I need is just a bite. Well, as much as I can remember, it looks like mini San Francisco. We went to the outskirts of Lisbon, and guess what, the scenery is so so so beautiful. Especially cabo da roca. I love the view of the ocean so much. And I finally get to see a light house. A real one. Haha. Sounds silly. Especially during sunset, this place is really a must visit.....

It all becomes a memory to me now... As class started... T. T but, I m happy, so happy after all these. Makes me feel lots and much more positive. Guess travel changes one's mind. It's a bliss. :)

来不及说我爱你

I'm so loving this drama. I wouldn't have realize it's existence if my friend haven't told me due to some random talk about language in one beautiful evening. Lol
Anyway, back to the topic. This story is about a girl Yin Jing Wan, who was on her way home and saved a guy Murong Feng from being killed. But upon her return to marry her fiancé, Xu Jian Zhang was accused and thrown to jail. Yin Jing Wan then travels all the way to Cheng Zhou to asks Murong Feng, the son of Cheng Zhou's warlord, to free her fiancé Xu Jian Zhang after he's thrown into jail following a botched fire arms exchange. Feng initially rejects her plea, but ends up falling in love with her. Jing Wan too develops intense feelings for Feng, but tries to suppress them due to fear of being sucked into this dark, yet sweet vortex. However, on the day of her wedding to Jian Zhang, Jing Wan travels far and wide to be by Feng's side after hearing that Cheng Zhou is in grave danger. Unfortunately, Feng is forced to marry Cheng Jin Zhi, the daughter of a powerful general, in order to get her father's backing on the military front. Driven by the humiliation of losing Jing Wan, Jian Zhang is consumed by hatred and vows to destroy Feng at any cost, even if it means conspiring with Japanese invaders.
Well, it's very touching to see how far both of them went through all obstacles to be together. The love and hatred thats in between that made this story so interesting and it just can't stop me from watching it.
How can I miss out this 2010 production which is so so full of emotions? Lol. I'm not a fan of Wallace Chung or Lee Xiao Ran, but both of them seriously rocks this drama, so does the others actor n actress that are in it.
(P.s I copied paste the synopsis. Lol.)

And this is the synopsis which I copied from baidu. 乌池女子尹静琬（李小冉饰演）掩护一名陌生的年轻男子躲过了一场严密的搜查，后来才意外的发现，这名男子竟然是承军主帅慕容沣（钟汉良饰演）。静琬回到家中，和恋人许建璋平静快乐的恋爱着，但是不久，却传来了建璋在承军地界被捕入狱的噩耗。静琬只身前往承州，恳求慕容沣释放建璋……

承州。当静琬面对慕容沣说出了此行的请求时，却遭到了他断然的拒绝。但是静琬的出现，却令慕容沣心生一计…… 在静琬的协助下，慕容沣平定了一场叛乱，然而，静琬也因此在乱枪中受伤…… 慕容沣在和静琬的朝夕相处中爱上了静琬，可是静琬却太害怕被这黑暗而甜蜜的力量吞没了，她狠下心来说，她并不爱他。 静琬回到了自己的生活中，和建璋的婚期临近了。成婚当日，传来了承军战事节节失利，承州岌岌可危的消息。当建璋前来迎亲的时候，尹家的新娘却突然消失了。

静琬穿越千难万险，来到了慕容沣的身边。她的出现让慕容沣恢复了勇气，迅速扭转了战局。蒙受夺妻之辱的建璋在仇恨中改变了，他要整垮慕容沣，报仇雪恨……他阴谋促使承军腹背受敌，令慕容沣陷入困境……

一直以来，程司令的千金程谨之，深深爱慕着慕容沣。她来到慕容沣面前，向他提出程家愿意倾其全力帮助承军，条件只是，慕容家和程家联姻。慕容沣动摇了……然而此时，静琬却已经有了他的孩子……静琬不能接受这样的侮辱，她逃离了慕容沣，然而却在风雪奔波之中流产了……慕容沣明白，他就这样永远的失去了她……

静琬回到乌池，跪求父母的原谅，一片淳淳的孝心终于得到了家人的谅解。她加入了红十字会，救治伤员，运输医疗物资，成为了一名进步的新女性，过上了全新的生活。日本侵华战争打响，许建璋投靠了日本人成为了大汉奸。他集结手里的兵权，与日本人的兵力遥相呼应，对慕容沣形成包围之势，只要他一旦宣战，就势必面临沦陷…… 慕容沣难以逃脱升天，陷入了痛苦的心理挣扎…… 而此刻的静琬，却在爱国志士们的鼓励下，赶赴承州，说服慕容沣抗日救国。

慕容沣和静琬重逢了……静琬劝说他，抛弃过去的小情小爱，胸怀天下，做一个保家卫国的英雄。慕容沣的爱国之心被唤醒了，他决定对日宣战，誓死保卫国土。而二人终于倾吐了那积攒多年的爱恋，遂决定结婚，相扶相持，共赴国难。

但即便如此，历经磨难的二人仍被战争冲散，慕容沣在战争中负伤，静婉却得到了一个错误的消息——沛林战死，伤心之中，她恍惚看到慕容沣，他希望静婉好好活下去···

七年过去了，静婉办了一个孤儿院，收养了许多战争孤儿，一次看电影时，电影中一个工人的侧面像极了沛林，静婉遂决定寻找沛林，在一个偏远农村，静婉终于见到了她朝夕暮想的沛林，但此时慕容沣已经失忆···看着心爱的沛林虽然失忆，但却无忧无虑的生活着，静婉放心但却黯然离去，金表无意中悄悄滑落，被沛林拾起，当他看到金表的霎那，那些甜蜜的过去，那些伤心的过去，缘分天定的二人终会记起过去，留住对方，牵手走过人生 。

上天保佑了这对男女，纵使历尽千辛，但仍可以执子之手，与子偕老。人生，哪能这么容易就断了呢？那株天丽，那株记载着他们回忆的天丽，终于在二人重逢时，绚烂绽放······

他们，终来得及说我爱你···

Prison of my own

Hmm, getting over it? Not really. It takes time. Holding on something impossible is very very unreal. I dunno why I do it, but I just did. Each and everyday saying I can let go, somehow, it's just another way of telling myself I can do it, because everytime when I think of it, my tears drops. That's why, I need to stay focus on what's going on around me. Getting over it is a lie. But telling the truth just makes it harder. I'm not sure what I want myself, yet I just want u to be happy always. Well, guess things will be different if I haven't met u. Probably I wouldn't give u that big impact in your life but u gave mine a blast. I keep wondering, telling my close friends what I feel, the answer is always the same from them, and I clearly know it myself. That is to let go of it. Theres nothing much I hope, I just hope that I wouldn't lose u as a friend. When-o-when I will let myself free firm this?

Dear Spring

Dear spring,
When will u be here? I miss your beautiful weather brought by the sunny sun, sweet fragrance brought by the windy wind, and the cheerful atmosphere brought by your happy presents.
How I miss u, and hope u are here with me to stay. With u around, everything seems to be beautiful, because u set a smile on everyone's face. =)

CNY 2012

It's Chinese new year. Yay. Finally. I'm celebrating this with my family after two years celebrating new year without them. I'm so lucky to have come back. :) I miss mom's food, I mean the one she only cooks during new year, the atmosphere of fire works, the crowd, n everything about Chinese new year here in Malaysia. I'm so contend. Happy Chinese new year everyone. Hahahahaha. May the year of dragon brings joy and laughter to ya all. :)

New year...

It's the end of the year. All the statuses in Facebook and tweets in tweeter is about new year. Another end. Another new beginning. Now now what have you archive this year? Well, in my case, I finished my microbiology exam before new year, I m going back home for new year, I try harder to fulfill what I promised, I ... Dunno.. Can't really remember. Hahahahaha.. Too many happy n sad stuff happened this year. To put in conclusion, I'm glad that every moments that I've been through had gimme memories that are unforgettable n beautiful too. :) happy new year...

Moving to a better place

It's time to move. I've been wondering around the same point for these years. It's time to move. I dunno how would it be, and how things are, but life is a journey to explore what's happening. :)

Irony

It's funny sometimes when u r so happy sending postcards n letters to a friend n hoping them to receive it. And yet, after that u found out the person is moving out from the place. Irony. But this just shows that how funny fate is. It's ok, maybe things are meant to be that way, yet I cant help myself from feeling the disappointment that I m having now.
I feel like laughing out loud and at the same time crying out loud too. "No big-ie Karen, its just a funny way of life."
BUT why, why m I still holding on the most ridiculous feeling of mine?? Why m I so stubborn? Why can't I just of it casually? Why and what on earth is going wrong with me? My head keeps telling me, "it's not a big deal dear, u are perfectly fine and it wouldn't hurt to let it go." and there I was, believing I can. But my heart keeps giving me the sign of aching. It's very easy when the heart listens to the head.
Ok, now now. I need distractions. Study. Study. Study. For my clinical medicine. It will be better from time to time. The head with the lil genius in it will find a solution to paralyze the stupid heart. Lol.

Waiting

Another day waiting for our dear surgeon to come n pick us up for class., but they are very busy... So we Waited n wait.. Wait wait wait.. That's where our patients grow... Hahahaha...just sit there and WAIT !!!!! What a relaxing cycle we have... N subject too... Hahaha

Lovely sushi dinner

I really had a nice sushi dinner though it's very tiring making all the sushi after coming back from the gym.. But the result... It's splendid.. Haha..

I miss you.
So much.
But i just dunno how to tell u. And i shouldn't be telling u, for my owns sake. Starting from the moment i fall, i knew that i should get up, because it is a NONO and impossible, that is why i never dare hope and dream about anything, but only trying to stop that feeling of mine.

Have u ever

Have u ever dream of something impossible?
Have u ever dare to hope that the impossible happen?
Have u ever try avoiding someone?
Have u ever try to deceive yourself?
Have u ever thought of wanting more?
Have u ever thought of just up in life?
Have u ever woke up in the middle of the night thinking of what to do tomorrow?
Have u ever thought of going back to the past?
Have u ever wonder and keep wondering in your thoughts??
Most of all, have u ever stop and think about others instead of yourself.

Other random post

Life is never been easy, it always and never will be easy. But u can make it simple, not complicated, and does not fill with any urge of vengeance. People fight, argue and creates lots of problem when they just can't let it go. When u have a peaceful mind, u know that all this doesn't matter at all, in the end, it does not only hurt u, but it also hurt those who truly care for u. U will never know how much tears has been shed by them, how suffer are they just because of your silly actions.

I will always remember what my aunt told me; stay away from conflicts and gossip, it does not bring u anything but leads u to a direction blindly. I dun understand what she means, but as i was demanding for things and start arguing with my parents when i was in high school, i was filled with anger and i can't think properly. Until one day, when i saw how angry my brother was when he wanted something so badly, and yet my mom said no. He stood up and slam the door of his room which i can hear it from downstairs, and i realize something. I saw how heart broken is my mom's look, and my whole mind is like starting to work. I know, if my brother would listen to her, things might not turn out this way, my mom wouldn't be sad, my brother on the other hand can work out things right, and be more understanding, as there is always an alternative. This argument doesn't bring anything but lead to a route of sadness.

After that, i learn to control myself to never let anger control me, by telling myself, it will only lead me to a blind direction, but not a clear one which i may have a better option and choices for what is happening next. And i try using this concept of mine to apply it in my everyday life, so that i know, things can be simple and nothing bad could happen as i wouldn't involve myself to a problem which i created out of my foolishness. For that, i think i literally understands what my aunt was trying to tell me. If u get yourself involve in a conflict, try to solve it or never involve in it from the very beginning; never gossip as you might get influence and invading others privacy and thus sometimes u tend to think of that person as what is describe from what u heard and begin treating them badly even if u dun even know well about that person, and this, well, blindly leads u to a direction of conflict for no reason as u will stand for something that u dun have any prove but just base on what u heard. That is just plainly blind.

I understand that people have emotions that they can't control, so do i. That's why i always look for someone whom i trust to talk to when things gone so crazy for me. I need a guidance to help me, so that i can think clearly. The bible is a very good guidance, but i know i couldn't be bother reading it as i m really truly awfully a lazy girl. But, i will try to read it, as it really is a book of knowledge to me. =)

A Grilled day

Its the day, today is labor day and its also the day which i talked about in my previous post about the BBQ thingy that was organize by my dear friend, Siewkheng ( as she was the one who told me, correct me if i m wrong... =p )
First thing first, we do the marination over night so that it taste great when it was grilled under the super hot charcoal. The food taste delicious, as u can taste the grilled meats is chewy and juicy, yum yum... so as the grilled broccoli and shashlik... a little to comfort ourselves for being healthy as it's a balance diet where we have meat and vegetables so as seafood, but the fact is we are so unhealthy, AT ALL... hahaha...
Unfortunately, the weather is not good :( it was raining, and we were all BBQ-ing in the rain, for like a few minutes ( dun ask me why, because rain here comes and go very fast today )... and it was somehow a heavy rain....LOL which we are BBQ-ing in the condition, from DRY to WET, WET to DRY... pathetic, yet, it was cool :) As it leaves us memories that we spend our time together here as a student of medicine that studies overseas in Russia and also as a bunch of friends spending time together and taking a day off... =)
And last but never least, happy holiday for tomorrow, as i dun have class on Monday... hehehe

Dear blog,

Dear blog of mine, i think its time for some updates here. Seriously, u do need some updates, and i have been reading some other blogs and found out that i m so far behind. Blogging is something that i use to remember stuff and share with friends, but before now, i leave it to die for like almost a year.
Well, i have nothing in my mind to share right now, but i will update u soon... Hopefully...
Oh, wait wait wait, i am kinda excited as this coming Sunday will be BBQ day. Happy for me, a day outing again with my dear friends here in Russia. That's what usually done here during spring/summer when the weather is just nice. Hoho, cant wait for that....
Anyway, hopefully i will update u.. LOL... Till then... hehe

RUNNINGGGGGGGGGGGG.... HIDINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG........

HOPINGGGGGGGGG........

EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE...........!!!!!!!!!

i really didn't expect this to happen to you, but i really hope that you will be fine... i noe its a very small matter for you, and i noe u are kinda scare. but to be honest, i m holding as hard as i can when i heard about. Its no big deal, its jst that i m sooo worry, anxious... that is what i can say. i m sorry that i cant be that positive right now. I will hope as hard as i can...

Bre@k...

Well, living in this so called "old folks home" aka 3rd hostel is not that bad after all, because i kinda like adapt to it already. Right now, its holiday! Wheeee.... kinda excited?? not really, but i will enjoy it to the max. Although it will be like whats the plan for today, and all those bla bla things, but we seems to find well, manage to find something to fill up the gap. Lol.

Before out winter break, i remembered that all of us are struggling for exam. Some took the exam early and some took it later. As for me, i took mine on the dated that is schecdule for my group, so its the one later. I was like kinda paranoid, i mean a little, not that serious. Lol. Things went on just fine. No biggy at all. And and and on the happy side before exam, we all got sushhiiii from mua cow daddy... haha... its very sweet of him to buy sushi for us and sent it to our hostel in such a colddddddddddd coldddddd weather..... hahaha... thank u and its really touching..... ^^

Luck is on my side during exam. Why do i say so?? Well well well, its because, the examinor nearly failed me for not giving her the answer that she wants, so she decided to ask me an extra question that if i can answer it, she will pass my exam for this first semester. Unfortunately i did not answer that question well enough too because i wrote one of the chemical formula for ammonia that is suppose to be 3, instead i wrote it to 2. In the end, she looked at me and said, " i will give u a 3- for this time, if next time u still repeat the same mistake, u will have to repeat." I was like thank you thank you so much. Finally its over, and i won't have to repeat it. Feel so happy, excited and most important RELIEF......

And so, my winter break starts. I am now officially having my time to rest and enjoy myself after all the busy life for the past four month. Hahaha.... To fill the time for this holiday, i went skating with my friends. Well its not as easy as it seems, for me. It took me century to finally know how to skate even though i still don't really know how to skate well. Before that i fall for like many times. And to be honest, i am afraid of falling. Even though i agree with my friend, that pharse "no pain, no gain" but it seems to me, pain is a nightmare. It was really painful when u fall while learning how to skate. Thats how i hurt my butt. =.= ''' But nevermind, at least i know how to walk a little with the sharp skating shoes. That is one of my success for sacrificing my precious butt.. X.X what a painful fall !!

HAPPY HOLIDAYSSSSSSSSSS ^^

ChrIstm@$....

Christmas christmas christmas.... my first christmas in Russia, Nizhny Novgorod... Well, this christmas, i realised one thing... quality time... that is the one thing that i want...
These 3 months, has been very tired for me. Most of the time, i m very blur and blank in my mind. Worrying lots of minor things, wondering around and distrurb others... and i m sorry for all the friends that i have annoyed and irritated.. SORRY...
I thought i have, well, found myself, but at times, i do feel so so so so so so so not me.... things are really different here. Not like the things that was in Malaysia.
Depress, i dun wanna have that kinda feeling. Even if it come to me, i will only myself to be sad for a while, the most is one week. Lol, i still can remember that the time i felt depress, well, i ate two bars of dark chocolate.. then i have to pay for the consequences.... not feeling well for the next day.. and i got some phobia wen i saw dark chocolate. Uhhh.. i can't believe that i will hurt myself this way just to get rid of that feeling that i don't like. T.T
Thank goodness, i got some distraction like going out to some other places to refresh myself. And right now, everything is fine.. because it is christmas..... ^u^
Lol. Haha.. Merry Christmas.... this christmas well, i do find joy in it... altough there is some little odd feeling inside me.... hehe.. but still.... there are still happiness... hahaha... ^^

Another randomness

This is a holiday that i have been expecting, and i m willing to enjoy it to the maximum. Though i m kinda regretting not studying at all to catch up all the things that i am left behind, hey, there will always be a solution for it. Hehe, another excuses. *should stop it*

There are few things happen in this holiday, and it really brings up all the sadness in me. I cant seem to get though it, but i will try, because i won't let myself to stay in this sad mode when i can find happiness around me. And to be very honest, i really don't like people seeing me crying, so that is why, i love to find different ways to get rid of this situation. Well, guess the worst time that i have cry this year for nearly an hour till the whole auditorium of people was looking at me is when i really cant control it anymore. And thank goodness there is only a few of my friends were there, instead of the whole bunch of them. Haha.. because i m trying to be tough here.... hehe, and i know that there are ppl out there, who are in a more worst situation than i do.. so, i shouldn't be crying instead.

While i was reading through my brother's blog, well, i kinda like a few line of his, which i dunno where he got it, but i like it....

"if one can find hope in despair is a hope worth holding onto, if one is to find light in the darkness of reality it is worth for one to cheerish."

"The Thought is That people who can Fake A tear is quite manipulative,And try to forced yourself to smile isnt good for yourslef cause it shows that ur hidding things inside you,and it will keep on pilling up until one day it came apart."

"Things arent suppose to be what you think because It Is not bound to you but itself."

"if anything happens dont try to push the blame onto someone else...because no matter how someone forced you to walk down a path that u're wanting to try or not, u can blame them because they force you, but just ask urself this, 'whose foot is the one on the path?'"

"我们的眼睛只能看眼前的，不要忘了我们懂得转动"

Haha... guess i really misses my family... and i wonder how are they, even if the technology rite now is very very very very advance... haha =.='''

* love language, quality time and words?? i dunno.. cz i dunno which one is mine, i mean frm the 5 love language.... haha*

One and another

Hm, due to H1N1, we have holidaysssssssss for one week. Haha, it is indeed a good news for me because, i finally get to rest from the last two month of studying, get some fresh air and also to recharge myself from the tiredness that i have been trying to find free time to rest. Ah, somehow i just suddenly felt that H1N1 is not that bad at all. I wounldn't need to face lots of control, whether it is a big or small ones, which is a test every week, and the requirement is to pass all of it if you want to sit your examination for finals.

But but but, because of this sudden one week holiday, our winter break has been shorten into one week too. T.T how sad. Guess the line "there is no free lunch", really means that there is no free lunch at all. Lol. Well, well well, nevermind, at least today, which is the first day of my holiday, i went to shopping with my friend, and guess what, i finallly bought a bag. After all the while i've been searching for a bag that i reallly really like, and i've finally found YOU... ( i mean my bag) haha... so excited... yeah yeah yeah....... I m on the top of the world.... haha..... Now, i think i lloveee walking streettttttt... because that is where i bought it.... hehe....

Yet, there is also one bad news for me.... T.T the stupid thing in my eye. The solid bead-like thing in my eye, well, which is not very obvious if u see it clearly, has been there for like two weeks and now i needa be refer to othamologist because according to the seniors, i must remove it and there is nothing they can do about it but to bring me to check the clinic and check it out. T.T according to them, probably i ll have to undergo an incision or maybe i ll be given a cream to dissolve it. T.T well, for me i personally hope its the second one, because i nearly faint when i heard of the first one ( exaggerating). The i can't believe it will happen. I hope not to see a doctor in russia (except if there is a class or lecture with them) and yet it happen. Sigh. Well, i ll stop sighing now, because it wouldn't help me at all. T.T

Oh well, i have no choice right now but to remove it. Haha.. Wish me luck.... Haha...... Doctor, here i come.... Haha... =.='''