Another randomness

This is a holiday that i have been expecting, and i m willing to enjoy it to the maximum. Though i m kinda regretting not studying at all to catch up all the things that i am left behind, hey, there will always be a solution for it. Hehe, another excuses. *should stop it*

There are few things happen in this holiday, and it really brings up all the sadness in me. I cant seem to get though it, but i will try, because i won't let myself to stay in this sad mode when i can find happiness around me. And to be very honest, i really don't like people seeing me crying, so that is why, i love to find different ways to get rid of this situation. Well, guess the worst time that i have cry this year for nearly an hour till the whole auditorium of people was looking at me is when i really cant control it anymore. And thank goodness there is only a few of my friends were there, instead of the whole bunch of them. Haha.. because i m trying to be tough here.... hehe, and i know that there are ppl out there, who are in a more worst situation than i do.. so, i shouldn't be crying instead.

While i was reading through my brother's blog, well, i kinda like a few line of his, which i dunno where he got it, but i like it....

"if one can find hope in despair is a hope worth holding onto, if one is to find light in the darkness of reality it is worth for one to cheerish."

"The Thought is That people who can Fake A tear is quite manipulative,And try to forced yourself to smile isnt good for yourslef cause it shows that ur hidding things inside you,and it will keep on pilling up until one day it came apart."

"Things arent suppose to be what you think because It Is not bound to you but itself."

"if anything happens dont try to push the blame onto someone else...because no matter how someone forced you to walk down a path that u're wanting to try or not, u can blame them because they force you, but just ask urself this, 'whose foot is the one on the path?'"

"我们的眼睛只能看眼前的，不要忘了我们懂得转动"

Haha... guess i really misses my family... and i wonder how are they, even if the technology rite now is very very very very advance... haha =.='''

* love language, quality time and words?? i dunno.. cz i dunno which one is mine, i mean frm the 5 love language.... haha*

One and another

Hm, due to H1N1, we have holidaysssssssss for one week. Haha, it is indeed a good news for me because, i finally get to rest from the last two month of studying, get some fresh air and also to recharge myself from the tiredness that i have been trying to find free time to rest. Ah, somehow i just suddenly felt that H1N1 is not that bad at all. I wounldn't need to face lots of control, whether it is a big or small ones, which is a test every week, and the requirement is to pass all of it if you want to sit your examination for finals.

But but but, because of this sudden one week holiday, our winter break has been shorten into one week too. T.T how sad. Guess the line "there is no free lunch", really means that there is no free lunch at all. Lol. Well, well well, nevermind, at least today, which is the first day of my holiday, i went to shopping with my friend, and guess what, i finallly bought a bag. After all the while i've been searching for a bag that i reallly really like, and i've finally found YOU... ( i mean my bag) haha... so excited... yeah yeah yeah....... I m on the top of the world.... haha..... Now, i think i lloveee walking streettttttt... because that is where i bought it.... hehe....

Yet, there is also one bad news for me.... T.T the stupid thing in my eye. The solid bead-like thing in my eye, well, which is not very obvious if u see it clearly, has been there for like two weeks and now i needa be refer to othamologist because according to the seniors, i must remove it and there is nothing they can do about it but to bring me to check the clinic and check it out. T.T according to them, probably i ll have to undergo an incision or maybe i ll be given a cream to dissolve it. T.T well, for me i personally hope its the second one, because i nearly faint when i heard of the first one ( exaggerating). The i can't believe it will happen. I hope not to see a doctor in russia (except if there is a class or lecture with them) and yet it happen. Sigh. Well, i ll stop sighing now, because it wouldn't help me at all. T.T

Oh well, i have no choice right now but to remove it. Haha.. Wish me luck.... Haha...... Doctor, here i come.... Haha... =.='''

Complicated

Is life that complicated? Is that what people used when they have problems? or is that i m jst too young to understand? Everybody has their own secrets, and every secrets is untold. Some people is hard to read and understand, some people are jst too afraid to admit things. Well, i guess i m the kind that dont dare to admit things. I run away, and find lots of lots of excuses, and making myself busy, finding other things to do, to forget. Comparison, cant be made to compare people around, because no one can compare each other. The only thing is that, what do u want, what do u really really want in ur life. Its like when you are hungry, u will go to cook to fill up your tummy, with the kind of food that u like and prefer. But if u re on some special diet due to some crictism which hurts ur ego, pride, or any kind of feelings, u will try to control ur diet and sooner or later, it will hurt ur tummy, although the result is what u wanted in the end. U have just sacrificed ur own tummy, which causes it to have gastric. Is that worth it? Trying to cover everything up, yet u hurt urself, by saying u re protecting urself and preventing urself from getting hurt?? I know i shouldn't used food to describe, but well, thats how i can bring out what m i trying to express. Maybe this is just what i think, and maybe this is how i give excusesses to myself. Thats why, till now, i dont really know whether i am facing or avoiding all my problems that is around me. Guess that is why, i m always in lost in myself. Lol.

unkn0wn

Wow, when i was reading through my blog, i m really amaze of my moods. It swifts from this to that. *sweat* And, nevertherless, my blog is like in a total mess... somehow i got the feeling to delete the whole of this site. However, after several consideration, i have decided not to delete it because...... well, hope to laugh out loud when i re-read it again the next time. *lol* (main purpose, reduce stress and find something funny out of it.. haha''')

Now what, i don't even know why i compose this tittle about an unknown again. Maybe i am really too bored and got nothing to do? Well, i don't really have the answer because right now i may seems to be freee, but the coming seconds, minutes and hours i will be busy like crazy, till i may have to stay up late. Guess its not weird if the population of panda bear increases. *lol*

Well well welll, guess i will stop here.*sleepy, yawning* Would not want to be late to attend classs.. *dun feel like going*

toodlessss....

N0w

I expect too much, and now i knew that its what i get by putting just a lilttle effort in it. I cant put my blame on anyone or anything but myself for not doing all my best. I dunno how to do, what to do. I feel sad. yet i cant cry out loud, and i cant even laugh it out loud. I dunno what am i going to express but just being noisy and of course blogging here right now. Ahhh.. save me save me. I always have a sense that maybe this was not meant for me, yet i end up choosing this path because i wanted to and i believe that i can do it. But right now, somehow, it seems like, well, i've just made a wrong decision. While everyone is studying, i am like day dreaming. I guess all i must do is change this habit of mine.Maybe its time to try harder. But how?? Well, guess its time to work hard... stop doing things that waste my time.... but i cant seems to do that .... hmm.. shecdule...

However... maybe i am just too stupid to be here. I mean, i am not a clever student, and i don't seems to understand things easily. Right now, i am hesitating whether i choose the right path or not. I know i shouldn't be lossing my wheel power to this small things, after all the words that i heard which is more hurt than this, but i dunno why, right now, i am just toooo.... i dunno.... felt like giving up... but i think maybe its just because of this 2 row failure in a day, that's why. Maybe a fake smile really hurts a lot. Must find a way back.. find the positive things... and i know, things will be better... negative thoughts, i will not let u conquer me...