ChrIstm@$....

Christmas christmas christmas.... my first christmas in Russia, Nizhny Novgorod... Well, this christmas, i realised one thing... quality time... that is the one thing that i want...
These 3 months, has been very tired for me. Most of the time, i m very blur and blank in my mind. Worrying lots of minor things, wondering around and distrurb others... and i m sorry for all the friends that i have annoyed and irritated.. SORRY...
I thought i have, well, found myself, but at times, i do feel so so so so so so so not me.... things are really different here. Not like the things that was in Malaysia.
Depress, i dun wanna have that kinda feeling. Even if it come to me, i will only myself to be sad for a while, the most is one week. Lol, i still can remember that the time i felt depress, well, i ate two bars of dark chocolate.. then i have to pay for the consequences.... not feeling well for the next day.. and i got some phobia wen i saw dark chocolate. Uhhh.. i can't believe that i will hurt myself this way just to get rid of that feeling that i don't like. T.T
Thank goodness, i got some distraction like going out to some other places to refresh myself. And right now, everything is fine.. because it is christmas..... ^u^
Lol. Haha.. Merry Christmas.... this christmas well, i do find joy in it... altough there is some little odd feeling inside me.... hehe.. but still.... there are still happiness... hahaha... ^^

Another randomness

This is a holiday that i have been expecting, and i m willing to enjoy it to the maximum. Though i m kinda regretting not studying at all to catch up all the things that i am left behind, hey, there will always be a solution for it. Hehe, another excuses. *should stop it*

There are few things happen in this holiday, and it really brings up all the sadness in me. I cant seem to get though it, but i will try, because i won't let myself to stay in this sad mode when i can find happiness around me. And to be very honest, i really don't like people seeing me crying, so that is why, i love to find different ways to get rid of this situation. Well, guess the worst time that i have cry this year for nearly an hour till the whole auditorium of people was looking at me is when i really cant control it anymore. And thank goodness there is only a few of my friends were there, instead of the whole bunch of them. Haha.. because i m trying to be tough here.... hehe, and i know that there are ppl out there, who are in a more worst situation than i do.. so, i shouldn't be crying instead.

While i was reading through my brother's blog, well, i kinda like a few line of his, which i dunno where he got it, but i like it....

"if one can find hope in despair is a hope worth holding onto, if one is to find light in the darkness of reality it is worth for one to cheerish."

"The Thought is That people who can Fake A tear is quite manipulative,And try to forced yourself to smile isnt good for yourslef cause it shows that ur hidding things inside you,and it will keep on pilling up until one day it came apart."

"Things arent suppose to be what you think because It Is not bound to you but itself."

"if anything happens dont try to push the blame onto someone else...because no matter how someone forced you to walk down a path that u're wanting to try or not, u can blame them because they force you, but just ask urself this, 'whose foot is the one on the path?'"

"我们的眼睛只能看眼前的，不要忘了我们懂得转动"

Haha... guess i really misses my family... and i wonder how are they, even if the technology rite now is very very very very advance... haha =.='''

* love language, quality time and words?? i dunno.. cz i dunno which one is mine, i mean frm the 5 love language.... haha*

One and another

Hm, due to H1N1, we have holidaysssssssss for one week. Haha, it is indeed a good news for me because, i finally get to rest from the last two month of studying, get some fresh air and also to recharge myself from the tiredness that i have been trying to find free time to rest. Ah, somehow i just suddenly felt that H1N1 is not that bad at all. I wounldn't need to face lots of control, whether it is a big or small ones, which is a test every week, and the requirement is to pass all of it if you want to sit your examination for finals.

But but but, because of this sudden one week holiday, our winter break has been shorten into one week too. T.T how sad. Guess the line "there is no free lunch", really means that there is no free lunch at all. Lol. Well, well well, nevermind, at least today, which is the first day of my holiday, i went to shopping with my friend, and guess what, i finallly bought a bag. After all the while i've been searching for a bag that i reallly really like, and i've finally found YOU... ( i mean my bag) haha... so excited... yeah yeah yeah....... I m on the top of the world.... haha..... Now, i think i lloveee walking streettttttt... because that is where i bought it.... hehe....

Yet, there is also one bad news for me.... T.T the stupid thing in my eye. The solid bead-like thing in my eye, well, which is not very obvious if u see it clearly, has been there for like two weeks and now i needa be refer to othamologist because according to the seniors, i must remove it and there is nothing they can do about it but to bring me to check the clinic and check it out. T.T according to them, probably i ll have to undergo an incision or maybe i ll be given a cream to dissolve it. T.T well, for me i personally hope its the second one, because i nearly faint when i heard of the first one ( exaggerating). The i can't believe it will happen. I hope not to see a doctor in russia (except if there is a class or lecture with them) and yet it happen. Sigh. Well, i ll stop sighing now, because it wouldn't help me at all. T.T

Oh well, i have no choice right now but to remove it. Haha.. Wish me luck.... Haha...... Doctor, here i come.... Haha... =.='''

Complicated

Is life that complicated? Is that what people used when they have problems? or is that i m jst too young to understand? Everybody has their own secrets, and every secrets is untold. Some people is hard to read and understand, some people are jst too afraid to admit things. Well, i guess i m the kind that dont dare to admit things. I run away, and find lots of lots of excuses, and making myself busy, finding other things to do, to forget. Comparison, cant be made to compare people around, because no one can compare each other. The only thing is that, what do u want, what do u really really want in ur life. Its like when you are hungry, u will go to cook to fill up your tummy, with the kind of food that u like and prefer. But if u re on some special diet due to some crictism which hurts ur ego, pride, or any kind of feelings, u will try to control ur diet and sooner or later, it will hurt ur tummy, although the result is what u wanted in the end. U have just sacrificed ur own tummy, which causes it to have gastric. Is that worth it? Trying to cover everything up, yet u hurt urself, by saying u re protecting urself and preventing urself from getting hurt?? I know i shouldn't used food to describe, but well, thats how i can bring out what m i trying to express. Maybe this is just what i think, and maybe this is how i give excusesses to myself. Thats why, till now, i dont really know whether i am facing or avoiding all my problems that is around me. Guess that is why, i m always in lost in myself. Lol.

unkn0wn

Wow, when i was reading through my blog, i m really amaze of my moods. It swifts from this to that. *sweat* And, nevertherless, my blog is like in a total mess... somehow i got the feeling to delete the whole of this site. However, after several consideration, i have decided not to delete it because...... well, hope to laugh out loud when i re-read it again the next time. *lol* (main purpose, reduce stress and find something funny out of it.. haha''')

Now what, i don't even know why i compose this tittle about an unknown again. Maybe i am really too bored and got nothing to do? Well, i don't really have the answer because right now i may seems to be freee, but the coming seconds, minutes and hours i will be busy like crazy, till i may have to stay up late. Guess its not weird if the population of panda bear increases. *lol*

Well well welll, guess i will stop here.*sleepy, yawning* Would not want to be late to attend classs.. *dun feel like going*

toodlessss....

N0w

I expect too much, and now i knew that its what i get by putting just a lilttle effort in it. I cant put my blame on anyone or anything but myself for not doing all my best. I dunno how to do, what to do. I feel sad. yet i cant cry out loud, and i cant even laugh it out loud. I dunno what am i going to express but just being noisy and of course blogging here right now. Ahhh.. save me save me. I always have a sense that maybe this was not meant for me, yet i end up choosing this path because i wanted to and i believe that i can do it. But right now, somehow, it seems like, well, i've just made a wrong decision. While everyone is studying, i am like day dreaming. I guess all i must do is change this habit of mine.Maybe its time to try harder. But how?? Well, guess its time to work hard... stop doing things that waste my time.... but i cant seems to do that .... hmm.. shecdule...

However... maybe i am just too stupid to be here. I mean, i am not a clever student, and i don't seems to understand things easily. Right now, i am hesitating whether i choose the right path or not. I know i shouldn't be lossing my wheel power to this small things, after all the words that i heard which is more hurt than this, but i dunno why, right now, i am just toooo.... i dunno.... felt like giving up... but i think maybe its just because of this 2 row failure in a day, that's why. Maybe a fake smile really hurts a lot. Must find a way back.. find the positive things... and i know, things will be better... negative thoughts, i will not let u conquer me...

Internalllll....

Games of mine, is not fun anymore and i will just stop all the match making that i m playing all these while. I felt the tense and tiredness out of it. Nothing i can do about it, after feeling the guilt that runs within me. Its fun to see ur friends having their own partener and seeing others being together as a couple. But then i m wondering, if that is how couples are being together, then how does love come into that relationship? I have lots of question about this. To be honest, i think i don't really know the meaning of love, i mean i really don't know. How? And why does it happen, and how do u know u are in love? How how how how????? I really got lots of this question running in my head... But, i guess i ll just leave it behind because, i need to priortise my things. What is meant to be will be.

I believe that fate will lead the way. Guess that is the reason why, i dun feel like falling for anyone because there isnt a thing for me to fall for and its just too hard for me to find someone that i am willing to give in everything untill the right person came. Well, i guess i am the kind of person who seems so desprate for it, but deep inside i know that for me to be like the things that i dream of, its impossible. Really impossible. So that is why, it is just a dream, which are meant for sleeping.

Found it

For the past few weeks, i have lost myself. I dunno why, just felt lonely and sad, or maybe i was just homesick. I cant put a smile that comes within my heart. I had tried my very best to do it, in everything i can. But somehow, deep inside me, i was still very depressed, and felt being isolated. There was nothing much that i can say. Till, i heard something that i have lost for the past few weeks, received a gift that i was not meant for me to have it.

I m glad, happy, and content. When i m lost in the thick mist, someone pull me out, and lead me to my path. Honestly, i m very happy, happy with everything i have and lucky, lucky to have everyone who cares beside me. My life is not just about myself, but, its me with everyone i that i care.

9th September 2009

9th September 2009. It is indeed a one in a million chances of getting a date like this, so many people consider it as a lucky, or even a memorable day. As for me, i got no partner like i m in a relationship, so i celebrate it with one of my friend, SingNi. Lol. We went to the gym and exercise for abt an hour, later we walked to Kado and have some snacks. Think about it, we still get back all the fats after exercising. Lol. But , its ok, cz how are we going to get a chances like this again, with the date 09.09.09?? No, we cant, unless we are able to live till that... i doubt about it because, we will be like immortal....

Since its 09.09.09, we did get ourselves a present each, which is a pair of ear rings. Hence, when we are using it, well, it will lead us back to yesterday the things that we did to remember this day, especially the walking part, from Crown Tower to CHMS no.1 (sweating like hell).

Hmm, right now, i think i will be waiting for next year 10th October 2010 ( curious about what am i going to do or anything special happen better be a fun one.. lol ).

Life....

Sometimes, things would not be like what we think. Well, the only thing is be true to our self and knows that its the right thing to be done. Everything happened for a reason. This is what life is. U wouldn't walk on the path which everything is easy, instead u will encountered difficulties in your route.

In this route of life, u will see many people walking with you either they are here to help you or just simply pass by or they bring harm to u. But hey, this is the juncture that u will know who is your true friends. That's why, i believe that with real friends walking with you in this route, life is more interesting and fun even if u fall in the middle of the walk.

With your loves ones all besides you, this life route is content and blissful. This is the world greatest gift that we earn throughout our life journal, with an appreciate heart.

Words

Simple words that are given by others may bring joy and sadness. But if u can accept it and take it in with an open heart, things will be more easier and there will not be any hard feelings.

Paths of life that u choose sometimes may not be as likely as u think. It do hurts when something is not like what u think it would be. Hey, that is life, u will never know if u never fall. If u fall and stand up, fall again and stand up again, u will learn something from it. It is a simple principle or theory that everyone can understand. However, how many of u really learn from it? How often can u accept the things that others said with an open heart? It hurts, but u still need to get up on your feet. Stand in front of them and show that u can. Words may hurt, but if u are able to use and think of it as a positive way, naturally, u will learn and things will be fun in the process of getting up. People laugh, tease, and make fun of u when u fall. It is the courage that comes within you, true friends of yours, and your family who supports u that pull u up. How do u know? It is the words that comes within blessing of a person. I think.

R@nd0m

Yesterday is gone, and today is almost going away. How about tomorrow? Well, i wish time could slow down its pace and let me have more time to spend here in Kuching. I don't feel like going back to Penang because it means that i the time i spend here in my hometown would be lesser than before. But, hey, like what i always do, self comfort. Though, i still need encouragement and cheers from others.

Oh well, guess it means that i have to grow up. Yeah, i am walking to the path of growing up. Its so funny when i suddenly thought of the things that my friends used to tease me. And the lame jokes that i used to listen and laugh with them. I really miss my life in high school. The time where we spend chit-chatting in the classroom, fooling around, running here and there, hiding stuff so that we are not caught during spot check ( though i m one of the prefect ), and there is one, running through the rain like crazy, scaring people ( i am always the victim ), and last but not least is the time where we always make fun of our pathetic problems which is not favourable when we are in it. I guess, that is what we do best. Although it is nothing special, this ordinary bits and pieces had brought beautiful memory in my life. You may not find it interesting, yet i enjoyed the whole of it.

Recently, i think i have admitted that i am an egg. The EGG girl. I can't believe that i admit it. Gosh. That's me, easily being influence by what is around me. I know its not good, but at least it does not bring any harm to me right now, not now, because i am trying to have fun here. Lol. Think of the bright side, i m not the one with this tittle of EGG. There are lots of people with names like me, or maybe sounded like egg, and maybe their action or whatever looks like an egg. So, how glad to know u ( egg ) my friends ( lame ).

Anyhow, glad to know everyone around me. I am just so lucky to be in this world fill with unexpected surprises. Hmm, lucky is a suitable word. Yes it is. And it reminds me of the song that i like ( which i just know the name recently ), that is " lucky " . Don't know why i like it, but it just sound nice to me. Whoa, and don't think that i am in love with my best friend OK? Because i don't have a male best friend ( maybe in the future? Who knows? Maybe not. Still think my prince is better. =.=''' unless, my prince is my best friend?? What m i crapping now, maybe influence by the song, yeah, that is a good explanation, especially to me, who can imagine even if it is just a single thread ). But it would be fun, if you are in love with your best friend, which is a guy who knows you and you know him well. Isn't that cool??? Haha, for certain people that is, but not for everyone.

Thank you all for walking into my life, even if you're just passing by. This is one of the things that gives the ray of light into my life. Thank you. And love you all.... haha... ^u^

Father's d@y

Yea, i can sign into this webpage again. Thank goodness i can sign in, or else, i will be complaining again, again, and AGAIN, by just nagging around and annoyed others again. =p Guess i am lucky again this time. But next time, well, its still a mystery, no one will know. =.='''

Hmm, father's day.

i would like to wish all the dads in this world HAPPY FATHER'S DAY. Especially my dad. Happy father's day, daddy ^u^ and love ya. Hahaha...

Untittle?? ( due to technical problem ) =p

Its funny when i found myself crapping most of the time, and i know that it would lead others for their judging about my abilities and so on the bla bla bla thingy. At first i do mind about it, however later, i seem to ignore about it because they are not me and they do not understand and know me. I admit that sometimes i maybe an open book and easily read out everything in my expression, but deep inside how well do u know me? Well, the answer is; it takes time to find out more about me.

Nearly six months i spent my time here in Penang's mainland, Bertam, Kepala Batas, taking my pre-med course. For me, many things happen in between and i really learnt lots of different lesson and gain a little bit by bit experience in everything, even small small things that is usually not so important for others, but it is important for me. In this no entertainment place, where you need to be creative and find your own entertainment, you will be amuse by how creative you are in this village side of the world. However, i still prefer the life in Kuching city, that is far better than this place ( Bertam, Kepala Batas ).

Thinking of it in another way round, i found that because of this little place, i meet the people that i will be spending my next six year with in the future, if there is nothing coming up in between, again. I know i am so selfish and only think of myself more than others, but i do really really hope that we can spend our time together, i mean most of it, as course mates, good study partners and last but not least, FRIENDS. Especially the first Christmas we are going to spend in Russia during the white, cold winter day.

Sometimes i feel like giving up, losing my motivation to go on just because i don't know how to handle my own problem. Yet, somehow in my deepest thoughts, it tells me that i am going to regret if i give up this little dream of mine and never give it a " do my best " in it, until i really really can't do it. I will not use the term try my best because i am just trying instead of doing it. So right now, i am doing the best i can to crop with the obstacle i meet in my life. If i can't get through it how am i suppose to be strong mentally in the future as it will not be easy and fill with many unexpected things which may not be favourable to me.

And yes, i need more exposure to things and learn more about this society nowadays. The result may not be as well as expected but the process is indeed the thing that i will learn. You can't deny for learning something in it. Nothing in this world is perfect, and the imperfect side of this world is the things that gives an add in humans interesting life story because not everyone have the same journey of their life, and each and everyone is the author of their own life; where you get to pick your own story.

I've been repeating the same thing all over again, and again; feels like giving up and know that i will regret it. I guess that is humans nature whether or not your determination is strong or do you have what it takes to carry on.

Here in my college life, it is really so different from my high school life. That is the change, my life growing process; from immature to mature, but i really doubt about it because my friends said that i am so childish. Think of the positive side, at least they never said that i am so babyish. And yes, they did not say that. Glad to hear it, but even if they do say it, i wouldn't mind about it because i will change as i grow up. We will see how long this word ( childish ) last on me. Muahahaha... ( to be continue )

Nevertheless, i am going back to Kuching nearly every month. So, my dear friends in Kuching, its normal for u guys to see me AGAIN every month for this year only. For next year, well, i am not so sure about it. We 'll see about that if i manage to past my examination right here, or else u guys will be annoyed by me, ur 'little angel' , again... hahaha... =p On the bright side, i can be with my family and stay at home, where i will be treated like a princess in my home, and fill my tummy with lots of chef recommended culinary ( my mum's cooking ). Yea, continue being mum and dad 's little girl ( i know i will always be ^u^) Hahaha...'''

Speaking of angels, i suddenly thought of Angels and Demons, the movie i watched when i last went back to Kuching. Angels = Yienhua's dog, which is white in colour. And that she told me to get myself a black dog with the name Demon. Sweat right. Then, before i took the flight to Penang, i was looking through the birthday presents that i had received and saw the black dog which i thought it was a teddy bear when i open it during my secondary 2 birthday. And that's it, i already have a 'pet dog' ( which is actually a soft toy ), named Demon... hahaha... =='''

Where was i again? i guess i was lost in what am i going to write in this post, because finally i can sign into my account due to the lousy wireless connection here in my hostel. Believe it or not, they block mostly every website. How are we suppose to online ? I can't even sign in my msn when i m here in my hostel. X_X

Well, i don't wish to blame the college, or else this post will be 'polluted' with lots of dissatisfaction.

Guess i will stop here right now, till then to be continue...

ChaptErs

Today, is like a very very long day after you left... Weilin. Girl, you are really one incredible person that i have ever met. Like i said before, u care for everyone, solve everybodies problem as though its your problem. I am really glad i get to know you, emo queen... Haha... The truth, you know me well for only just a few months. And we really have lots of lots of things in common. As i am thinking of it, we really share lots of things together for the past few months. Though its just a short period of time, i really really do feel like we are together for many years of time. Don't you worry, i will remember all the moments, happy or sad and even this past few weeks of the distance that is created before you leave because its the bits that we shared together. Although i knew that you prefer me to remember the happy ones. And yea, you are right, if you approach me to tell me about it, we might end up breaking down together and flood the whole acms... Hahaha...

Our friendship will still go on and i really really do hope to see u again no matter when and where. I know i am not good at expressing my feelings, but i do want you to know that you are like a sister to me, not a mum actually, except when you start nagging. Now, everything here is like so empty and quiet. Sorry for not staying in the hostel till you leave, i really don't want you to see my crying face, instead i want you to always remember the smilling face that always stay in my expression. Just like what you want me to remember, and that is what i want you to remember. Yea, another one thing in common again.^^

Well, now we are like in different path but in the same boat to achieve our dream, i really really do hope that it come true. So i will try hard and do my best in everything. Nag me everyday if it is possible so that i will be more hardworking instead of sleeping the whole day. And sooner or later this eggy sure turn into one sleepyhead egg... Haha and get myself a new nickname... Hoho...

Love + Miss you.... ^u^

Pathetic + Proud + Consideration

Hahaha.... its so funny.... i failed my computer test (undang-undang) for three times....i m not kidding....Seriously, i failed it.... like to pass it, i must get 42, but the first time, i m stuck with the score of 39, so does the second test when i was re-taking it. Well, for the third time, hehe... i got improvement.... coz i mange to break the record of the score of 39.... Hahaha..... i score 41.... though, just one more score then i will passsssssssss.....but never mind, and i am proud to say about it because i found it very funny... Hohoho.... so pathetic...=.=''' yet very funny... Really, it is so funny... Hmm, maybe i will re-take it again and try to see whether i can i make it through or not. Although i told my mum, and she asked to forget of the re-take thing, i still want to re-take it after all the matter that were take into consideration. For instance, that is my future life (no matter what). I mean, u can't expect me to rely on others to fetch me to work or whenever there is emergency i must call others to come and bring me. This will take time, and by then, emergency had turn into disasters and also, i will trouble lots of people to fetch me and so on. They will be crazy if they were to do so.Another alternative way is to ride bicycle, but i doubt about it because i do not know how to cycle, if i do know, maybe when i reach the destination, i will become the patient of emergency... Hahaha... Hohoho.... =.=''' Things will find its way because it will never remain the same every second, minute, hour, week, month and year... Well, i got to do my revision for my mathematics and chemistry now due to the coming up quiz... or else i will dead, i tell u, DEAD~~~~ X_X

Hahahahahahahahahahaha =P

HaPPy

Hahaha... another as usual day of my college life in ACMS. Nothing changes much though i went to my aunt's house for the holiday that we had taken by our self. Hmm, its fun there, because i enjoyed it so much + i went to the churches there to celebrate Good Friday and Ester. ^^ its a different experience... Hahaha... Furthermore, i get to meet all my cousins. Yea, that's a great thing, cz we are family...... A very very very big family... Hoho...

Oh and i cant stop my excitement.... Because tomorrow will be my Birthday.... so i will sing a song for myself.... Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday to ME.... Happy birthday to me~.... Haha... this year will be a very different birthday for me due to .... hehehe... i am not there to be with my family and friends back in Kuching. As u all know right, i am in Penang currently.... And as for Lishyuan, i am not that childish anymore ok?? Just because u are childish doesn't make me one like u.... Hahaha.... =P

Once again... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MYSESLF ...Hohoho hehe

InneR

Each and everyday i feel like i am getting worst and did not know what to do. Each and every time i am getting better at hiding it safe in the little drawer of my heart and lock it tightly and unleash it when i am struggling. I do not know how i feel right now, but i do know that i am so pathetic right this moment. I felt guilty when i felt like i hurt someone; mind what others think about me; confuse when things went complicated; lost when i have no direction; and sorry when i have make a mistake. I would not realise what i have done and what i just did to others.
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Today, everything seems so wrong for me. It is another usual day, cloudy and seems like its going to rain. And tonight, i will be on my own as my friend, Serene is not going to be with me in the same room again. Well, she is leaving, i mean going back to Kuching, as she is more into pharmacy. Yesterday night was fun, we all had dinner at Noodle Station and bought slices of cakes of different flavour and combined it as a farewell for Serene. Later that, we went back to our hostel and played "truth or dare" till 2.00 a.m. in the morning. It was a night to remember for it was a farewell party for Serene. I am worst when to express my feelings. Lots of thing is in my mind and i do not know what to say. All i know was that i am so lost and did not know what to say to her. It is better that way because i tend to be so clam and be numb as it was like the day when i first came to Penang where i left the family and friends, though it is very very different. Although there were many things happened lately between us, i still could not believe that our moments of together ends right here. Maybe in the future, we will meet again. Till then goodbye and good luck.
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Things are so complicated right now. It is the inner war of myself. There is a part of me wishes to go home and left all the things behind because i really felt sick and sad when i was remind of the issues which arises, which is i maybe will neglected my family. But deep inside i knew that i will regret if this is the reason why i abandon my ambition. So i told mum, and she understands well and gave me the right medicine which i needed so badly from her. Mum told me to stay strong and always pray to God. She even told me this, "it is how you manage your own time. Mommy and daddy will understand that its your responsible. We raise you up, but we are not always there to be with you throughtout your journey in your life. We play our role as parents and support you in all ways." The next thing was, i m crying while i was talking with my mum through the phone. That was when i walked back to hostel in the rainny day in the dark night without taking my umbrella along with me.
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Recently, i really cannot be very positive. The other side of me is still attacking the positive side of mine. When will this war ends? I don't really know. I do really need some advises right now and to strenghten myself. Untill this war ends, so does my silent tears stops, and my sunny day would be back again.

The Day

Today is the day that all the SPM candidates 2008 take their result. I am one of them. I felt very nervous yesterday and did silly things. Sweat. But today, i am not nervous anymore. I went to have breakfast with my friends which i have not seen for ages, though its a month. While waiting, we took some pictures using Jeff's phone, hahaha. These are some of it.

Me and Laura Kuek Hui Shi, the genius froggy.

Girls : Lishyuan, me, SingNi, LingChien

Boys : Christopher, Oliver, BoonKui

From left : LingChien, Cally, SingNi and me

Hm, well about the result..... Wait and hear from me if u ever ask. Hahahaha.......

NerV0us.......

Gosh, out of all the sudden i m so nervous right now. I can't believe that i am so nervous as i am looking at the time and it is almost tomorrow. Save me, save me, save me from the nerves. I feel so useless right now. I can't be so positive and i am like going to the route of negative thinking. Ugh, i m so emotional! I can't think of anything to do but keep saying that i am so nervous right now. Everything is so wrong for me now. Why????? Help me, Help me!!!! I really just hope that i can get the SPM result right now to delete this nervous part of me.

Falling stars

"See a falling stars and put it in the pocket, never let it slip away..."
My falling stars never came to me, i would not hope for more, but just to see it once.
Just once that is enough for me.
Even if i did not get the chance to keep it, but it will remain always inside my mind.
I wonder what would it be if i saw it falling from the sky.
Will i be excited?
Will i just sit there and remain silent till it is gone?
Will i keep my eyes on it?
Will i do anything which i cant predict?
All these thoughts have been running through my mind.
I thought i would not care much about it.
However i was wrong.
I felt so curious about it.
I wanted to know about it.
But then again, i just let it.
Believing that i will get through with it.
Whether i care much or less, i believe that one day, something will replace it.
Its just that i doubt that something will put such an effort.
I just hope that i can see it once, just once.
Not more but once.

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Randomly.....

Well, i m back home rite now. So happy and so excited. This afternoon, i went to meet Singni and we both went to watch movie and spend most of our time chatting and wondering around... Oh, and we chatt something about our ideal partner.... Hahaha...... Curious rite??? But i noe u guys wun be that busy body.

Oh, i m kinda 'wu liao' cz wen i saw the piano displayed my imagination all flows out > thinking that if the guy i like confess his love to me by playing the piano just dedicate to me, i will be like so touch till............................................................................ My imagination stops rite here cz there is no such person, and i din have any admirer so i might as well just stop dreaming... Funny rite, i still cant stop imagine such kind of things that is usually imagine by little girls<< wake up Karen, you are almost 18 when April comes *sigh*

Hehehe... Hahaha...

I am going home for my semester break. Yeah me.... haha... i cant wait to go home, for i have waited long enough. Somehow, i m sad about going back home because after that, i din noe whether i can be back here in Penang or not due to my SPM results and many other things like the next time going back home will be once in a year ( if i pass the examination in here with CGPA 3.0 at least) and all my friends. Furthermore, everything here, i will miss all of it if i cant make it through, especially my friends, which is my housemates and also my coursemates....*sobbing*.........

I 've just finish sitting my last paper for this semester; Moral. I feel great about it, because all the books that burried me for a week, i finally can leave it aside for a week. Thinking of it is not that worst actually, i kinda like it because of this examination, me and my housemates burned midnite oil, its not like we wanted to, but we have no choice...=.=''' however we did some chitchatt.This is the first time that group studying seems to be a good and fun way of learning for me.... hahaha.... Its so different compare to the last time, which was 11 years before, i think. =.="' Somehow i felt sad about the English paper yesterday because i did not listen to the instruction given by the invigilator clearly and also read the instruction carefully. I din noe why and i was like almost crying out in front of the class when the invigilator told me just as she wants to collect my examination paper. But i manage to control myself from crying ( crying brings no help, and there was nothing i can do to change it ) and somehow thanks to Lishyuan for calling and listen to my problems. Thank goodness i din cry during then. Though i still can be very positive wen i was telling it to my friends and seems like nothing was wrong. Hahaha.... to be honest, i dun feel sad anymore rite now cz there is always an alternative way, if u noe wat i mean..... ^u^

Though i m not like before, that talkative, noisy, and most of the time annoying, but i think its ok as i must be more mature and take care of my image in front of everyone, except in front of the people who knew me before this cz if i m like now, in my college life, surely u guys will think that i have lost my mind or maybe something has gone wrong. Will u??? Neh, i noe the answer is no, cz like the word things change, people change, u change, me change ( thaught by ms. YONG YIEN HUA ).... Swt.... LAME..... Hahahahaha....

Well, i will leave all the worries wen i take my SPM result. Rite now, i m so excited to go home to see my family ( mom, dad, bro's ) and have a " date " with my dear friends to free my mind from all those worries. Hahaha.... Oh and happy holidays to all.... ^u^

HOME.... i m coming, wait for me~

Visiting

Today is the 2nd day of Chinese New Year. As usual, i went to my grandmother's house and then to my uncle's house ( mum's side ), somewhere in Serian; quite far, and i fall asleep in the car. =.= But then, i enjoyed all the foods there because everything they served is what i needed to fill my tummy before i went back to ACMS, with the limited choice of food. Sigh. How happy m i today. Hahaha....

I went to Jeff's house directly, after i was back from Serian. Hope he was touch, but he told me that was what i should do since i m his 'daughter' and that is my responsible to visit him during new year. Sweat. I got to admit that i was lost when i was on the way to his house, due to my mum's wrong lead of direction. All thanks to dad, i finally got there. Though Polar Wood is not enough to make u lost, somehow my mum gave the wrong direction which was enough to confuse us all. Never mind, at least i get there, although i was late. Hahaha......

How happy was i to finally met my friends. Eemeng, Charis, Charles, and nevertheless Singni was there too. Hahaha. Some of them were not there but at least i got to meet some, and i m happy about it,^u^

Later after that, i went to Singni's house. I was so touched to hear that i was the first friend to visit her during Chinese New Year besides her relatives. Hahaha.... till now i m still so happy. See, u ( Singni ) should be proud of me. Oh yes, i bet u ( Singni ) are. Hahaha.... i cant stop my excitment.....Lalala..............

ChurCh

Before i came back to Kuching, i went to St. Anne church, located at Bukit Mertajam. All thanks to Anthony, we finally went to church. ^u^. Well, its my first time there, so i took lots of pictures about the church. And my first impression when i was there was, m i within the country o not... Sigh, kinda 'sua pa' rite.... but hu cares, at least i m being honest.... hahahaha....*remain silent*

Now, lets get back to what m i going to post today. Well, i really wud like to share about the church, but there is too many pictures to upload. Hence i have decided to choose the pictues randomly. I will let the pictures do the talk for me, and u will noe wat i mean =.= unless u and i were different as in the way i look at the beauty of this church.

Oh well, thats all, from me. Hope u all enjoy it. Bye bye, and

hAppY ChiNes3 n3W yEaR

Thoughts of happiness....i think.....

I M BACK. Finally, home sweet home. I miss my family, i miss everything back here. As its Chinese New, i m bck to celebrate it with my family. However, i will be staying for only a week here, then i have to go bck to ACMS in Penang. T.T how sad, but its my life, my route to my future, and i m no longer a kid anymore. ( this is what my mum told me )

Well, back at ACMS, i have nothing to say because i nearly forget everything. But the things i do remember is knowing all my friends there and the time we spent. Nevertheless, my first time experience being in the ferry to cross the sea~ to the island, wahaha....Sigh, seems like i m so out of date...=.=

Since its New Year, i mean Chinese New Year rite now, so i wud like to share everything about my happy life in ACMS, instead of otherwise ( maybe in the next post but not this post ) and i will be talking about my friends. They are all very nice people, friendly, funny and most of all, we are like knowing each other for so long, though its just 3 weeks, the period we know each other. Funny rite??? hahaha~ I m lazy to type, so here are some pics of that are taken with my friends. Although there are still some of them i dun get to know quite well, i believe we will get along sooner or later, so let time do the work.

The Family

Happy Bday to Serene and Happy Belated Bday to KhengHao. We celebrated their bday in the club house and we all bought chocolate indulgent as bday cake, Cool~

Ps. rotate to have a clear view... Ha~Ha~ Ha~.... ( The Five )