Dear blog,

Dear blog of mine, i think its time for some updates here. Seriously, u do need some updates, and i have been reading some other blogs and found out that i m so far behind. Blogging is something that i use to remember stuff and share with friends, but before now, i leave it to die for like almost a year.
Well, i have nothing in my mind to share right now, but i will update u soon... Hopefully...
Oh, wait wait wait, i am kinda excited as this coming Sunday will be BBQ day. Happy for me, a day outing again with my dear friends here in Russia. That's what usually done here during spring/summer when the weather is just nice. Hoho, cant wait for that....
Anyway, hopefully i will update u.. LOL... Till then... hehe

RUNNINGGGGGGGGGGGG.... HIDINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG........

HOPINGGGGGGGGG........

EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE...........!!!!!!!!!

i really didn't expect this to happen to you, but i really hope that you will be fine... i noe its a very small matter for you, and i noe u are kinda scare. but to be honest, i m holding as hard as i can when i heard about. Its no big deal, its jst that i m sooo worry, anxious... that is what i can say. i m sorry that i cant be that positive right now. I will hope as hard as i can...

Bre@k...

Well, living in this so called "old folks home" aka 3rd hostel is not that bad after all, because i kinda like adapt to it already. Right now, its holiday! Wheeee.... kinda excited?? not really, but i will enjoy it to the max. Although it will be like whats the plan for today, and all those bla bla things, but we seems to find well, manage to find something to fill up the gap. Lol.

Before out winter break, i remembered that all of us are struggling for exam. Some took the exam early and some took it later. As for me, i took mine on the dated that is schecdule for my group, so its the one later. I was like kinda paranoid, i mean a little, not that serious. Lol. Things went on just fine. No biggy at all. And and and on the happy side before exam, we all got sushhiiii from mua cow daddy... haha... its very sweet of him to buy sushi for us and sent it to our hostel in such a colddddddddddd coldddddd weather..... hahaha... thank u and its really touching..... ^^

Luck is on my side during exam. Why do i say so?? Well well well, its because, the examinor nearly failed me for not giving her the answer that she wants, so she decided to ask me an extra question that if i can answer it, she will pass my exam for this first semester. Unfortunately i did not answer that question well enough too because i wrote one of the chemical formula for ammonia that is suppose to be 3, instead i wrote it to 2. In the end, she looked at me and said, " i will give u a 3- for this time, if next time u still repeat the same mistake, u will have to repeat." I was like thank you thank you so much. Finally its over, and i won't have to repeat it. Feel so happy, excited and most important RELIEF......

And so, my winter break starts. I am now officially having my time to rest and enjoy myself after all the busy life for the past four month. Hahaha.... To fill the time for this holiday, i went skating with my friends. Well its not as easy as it seems, for me. It took me century to finally know how to skate even though i still don't really know how to skate well. Before that i fall for like many times. And to be honest, i am afraid of falling. Even though i agree with my friend, that pharse "no pain, no gain" but it seems to me, pain is a nightmare. It was really painful when u fall while learning how to skate. Thats how i hurt my butt. =.= ''' But nevermind, at least i know how to walk a little with the sharp skating shoes. That is one of my success for sacrificing my precious butt.. X.X what a painful fall !!

HAPPY HOLIDAYSSSSSSSSSS ^^

ChrIstm@$....

Christmas christmas christmas.... my first christmas in Russia, Nizhny Novgorod... Well, this christmas, i realised one thing... quality time... that is the one thing that i want...
These 3 months, has been very tired for me. Most of the time, i m very blur and blank in my mind. Worrying lots of minor things, wondering around and distrurb others... and i m sorry for all the friends that i have annoyed and irritated.. SORRY...
I thought i have, well, found myself, but at times, i do feel so so so so so so so not me.... things are really different here. Not like the things that was in Malaysia.
Depress, i dun wanna have that kinda feeling. Even if it come to me, i will only myself to be sad for a while, the most is one week. Lol, i still can remember that the time i felt depress, well, i ate two bars of dark chocolate.. then i have to pay for the consequences.... not feeling well for the next day.. and i got some phobia wen i saw dark chocolate. Uhhh.. i can't believe that i will hurt myself this way just to get rid of that feeling that i don't like. T.T
Thank goodness, i got some distraction like going out to some other places to refresh myself. And right now, everything is fine.. because it is christmas..... ^u^
Lol. Haha.. Merry Christmas.... this christmas well, i do find joy in it... altough there is some little odd feeling inside me.... hehe.. but still.... there are still happiness... hahaha... ^^

Another randomness

This is a holiday that i have been expecting, and i m willing to enjoy it to the maximum. Though i m kinda regretting not studying at all to catch up all the things that i am left behind, hey, there will always be a solution for it. Hehe, another excuses. *should stop it*

There are few things happen in this holiday, and it really brings up all the sadness in me. I cant seem to get though it, but i will try, because i won't let myself to stay in this sad mode when i can find happiness around me. And to be very honest, i really don't like people seeing me crying, so that is why, i love to find different ways to get rid of this situation. Well, guess the worst time that i have cry this year for nearly an hour till the whole auditorium of people was looking at me is when i really cant control it anymore. And thank goodness there is only a few of my friends were there, instead of the whole bunch of them. Haha.. because i m trying to be tough here.... hehe, and i know that there are ppl out there, who are in a more worst situation than i do.. so, i shouldn't be crying instead.

While i was reading through my brother's blog, well, i kinda like a few line of his, which i dunno where he got it, but i like it....

"if one can find hope in despair is a hope worth holding onto, if one is to find light in the darkness of reality it is worth for one to cheerish."

"The Thought is That people who can Fake A tear is quite manipulative,And try to forced yourself to smile isnt good for yourslef cause it shows that ur hidding things inside you,and it will keep on pilling up until one day it came apart."

"Things arent suppose to be what you think because It Is not bound to you but itself."

"if anything happens dont try to push the blame onto someone else...because no matter how someone forced you to walk down a path that u're wanting to try or not, u can blame them because they force you, but just ask urself this, 'whose foot is the one on the path?'"

"我们的眼睛只能看眼前的，不要忘了我们懂得转动"

Haha... guess i really misses my family... and i wonder how are they, even if the technology rite now is very very very very advance... haha =.='''

* love language, quality time and words?? i dunno.. cz i dunno which one is mine, i mean frm the 5 love language.... haha*

One and another

Hm, due to H1N1, we have holidaysssssssss for one week. Haha, it is indeed a good news for me because, i finally get to rest from the last two month of studying, get some fresh air and also to recharge myself from the tiredness that i have been trying to find free time to rest. Ah, somehow i just suddenly felt that H1N1 is not that bad at all. I wounldn't need to face lots of control, whether it is a big or small ones, which is a test every week, and the requirement is to pass all of it if you want to sit your examination for finals.

But but but, because of this sudden one week holiday, our winter break has been shorten into one week too. T.T how sad. Guess the line "there is no free lunch", really means that there is no free lunch at all. Lol. Well, well well, nevermind, at least today, which is the first day of my holiday, i went to shopping with my friend, and guess what, i finallly bought a bag. After all the while i've been searching for a bag that i reallly really like, and i've finally found YOU... ( i mean my bag) haha... so excited... yeah yeah yeah....... I m on the top of the world.... haha..... Now, i think i lloveee walking streettttttt... because that is where i bought it.... hehe....

Yet, there is also one bad news for me.... T.T the stupid thing in my eye. The solid bead-like thing in my eye, well, which is not very obvious if u see it clearly, has been there for like two weeks and now i needa be refer to othamologist because according to the seniors, i must remove it and there is nothing they can do about it but to bring me to check the clinic and check it out. T.T according to them, probably i ll have to undergo an incision or maybe i ll be given a cream to dissolve it. T.T well, for me i personally hope its the second one, because i nearly faint when i heard of the first one ( exaggerating). The i can't believe it will happen. I hope not to see a doctor in russia (except if there is a class or lecture with them) and yet it happen. Sigh. Well, i ll stop sighing now, because it wouldn't help me at all. T.T

Oh well, i have no choice right now but to remove it. Haha.. Wish me luck.... Haha...... Doctor, here i come.... Haha... =.='''

Complicated

Is life that complicated? Is that what people used when they have problems? or is that i m jst too young to understand? Everybody has their own secrets, and every secrets is untold. Some people is hard to read and understand, some people are jst too afraid to admit things. Well, i guess i m the kind that dont dare to admit things. I run away, and find lots of lots of excuses, and making myself busy, finding other things to do, to forget. Comparison, cant be made to compare people around, because no one can compare each other. The only thing is that, what do u want, what do u really really want in ur life. Its like when you are hungry, u will go to cook to fill up your tummy, with the kind of food that u like and prefer. But if u re on some special diet due to some crictism which hurts ur ego, pride, or any kind of feelings, u will try to control ur diet and sooner or later, it will hurt ur tummy, although the result is what u wanted in the end. U have just sacrificed ur own tummy, which causes it to have gastric. Is that worth it? Trying to cover everything up, yet u hurt urself, by saying u re protecting urself and preventing urself from getting hurt?? I know i shouldn't used food to describe, but well, thats how i can bring out what m i trying to express. Maybe this is just what i think, and maybe this is how i give excusesses to myself. Thats why, till now, i dont really know whether i am facing or avoiding all my problems that is around me. Guess that is why, i m always in lost in myself. Lol.