R@nd0m

Yesterday is gone, and today is almost going away. How about tomorrow? Well, i wish time could slow down its pace and let me have more time to spend here in Kuching. I don't feel like going back to Penang because it means that i the time i spend here in my hometown would be lesser than before. But, hey, like what i always do, self comfort. Though, i still need encouragement and cheers from others.

Oh well, guess it means that i have to grow up. Yeah, i am walking to the path of growing up. Its so funny when i suddenly thought of the things that my friends used to tease me. And the lame jokes that i used to listen and laugh with them. I really miss my life in high school. The time where we spend chit-chatting in the classroom, fooling around, running here and there, hiding stuff so that we are not caught during spot check ( though i m one of the prefect ), and there is one, running through the rain like crazy, scaring people ( i am always the victim ), and last but not least is the time where we always make fun of our pathetic problems which is not favourable when we are in it. I guess, that is what we do best. Although it is nothing special, this ordinary bits and pieces had brought beautiful memory in my life. You may not find it interesting, yet i enjoyed the whole of it.

Recently, i think i have admitted that i am an egg. The EGG girl. I can't believe that i admit it. Gosh. That's me, easily being influence by what is around me. I know its not good, but at least it does not bring any harm to me right now, not now, because i am trying to have fun here. Lol. Think of the bright side, i m not the one with this tittle of EGG. There are lots of people with names like me, or maybe sounded like egg, and maybe their action or whatever looks like an egg. So, how glad to know u ( egg ) my friends ( lame ).

Anyhow, glad to know everyone around me. I am just so lucky to be in this world fill with unexpected surprises. Hmm, lucky is a suitable word. Yes it is. And it reminds me of the song that i like ( which i just know the name recently ), that is " lucky " . Don't know why i like it, but it just sound nice to me. Whoa, and don't think that i am in love with my best friend OK? Because i don't have a male best friend ( maybe in the future? Who knows? Maybe not. Still think my prince is better. =.=''' unless, my prince is my best friend?? What m i crapping now, maybe influence by the song, yeah, that is a good explanation, especially to me, who can imagine even if it is just a single thread ). But it would be fun, if you are in love with your best friend, which is a guy who knows you and you know him well. Isn't that cool??? Haha, for certain people that is, but not for everyone.

Thank you all for walking into my life, even if you're just passing by. This is one of the things that gives the ray of light into my life. Thank you. And love you all.... haha... ^u^

Father's d@y

Yea, i can sign into this webpage again. Thank goodness i can sign in, or else, i will be complaining again, again, and AGAIN, by just nagging around and annoyed others again. =p Guess i am lucky again this time. But next time, well, its still a mystery, no one will know. =.='''

Hmm, father's day.

i would like to wish all the dads in this world HAPPY FATHER'S DAY. Especially my dad. Happy father's day, daddy ^u^ and love ya. Hahaha...

Untittle?? ( due to technical problem ) =p

Its funny when i found myself crapping most of the time, and i know that it would lead others for their judging about my abilities and so on the bla bla bla thingy. At first i do mind about it, however later, i seem to ignore about it because they are not me and they do not understand and know me. I admit that sometimes i maybe an open book and easily read out everything in my expression, but deep inside how well do u know me? Well, the answer is; it takes time to find out more about me.

Nearly six months i spent my time here in Penang's mainland, Bertam, Kepala Batas, taking my pre-med course. For me, many things happen in between and i really learnt lots of different lesson and gain a little bit by bit experience in everything, even small small things that is usually not so important for others, but it is important for me. In this no entertainment place, where you need to be creative and find your own entertainment, you will be amuse by how creative you are in this village side of the world. However, i still prefer the life in Kuching city, that is far better than this place ( Bertam, Kepala Batas ).

Thinking of it in another way round, i found that because of this little place, i meet the people that i will be spending my next six year with in the future, if there is nothing coming up in between, again. I know i am so selfish and only think of myself more than others, but i do really really hope that we can spend our time together, i mean most of it, as course mates, good study partners and last but not least, FRIENDS. Especially the first Christmas we are going to spend in Russia during the white, cold winter day.

Sometimes i feel like giving up, losing my motivation to go on just because i don't know how to handle my own problem. Yet, somehow in my deepest thoughts, it tells me that i am going to regret if i give up this little dream of mine and never give it a " do my best " in it, until i really really can't do it. I will not use the term try my best because i am just trying instead of doing it. So right now, i am doing the best i can to crop with the obstacle i meet in my life. If i can't get through it how am i suppose to be strong mentally in the future as it will not be easy and fill with many unexpected things which may not be favourable to me.

And yes, i need more exposure to things and learn more about this society nowadays. The result may not be as well as expected but the process is indeed the thing that i will learn. You can't deny for learning something in it. Nothing in this world is perfect, and the imperfect side of this world is the things that gives an add in humans interesting life story because not everyone have the same journey of their life, and each and everyone is the author of their own life; where you get to pick your own story.

I've been repeating the same thing all over again, and again; feels like giving up and know that i will regret it. I guess that is humans nature whether or not your determination is strong or do you have what it takes to carry on.

Here in my college life, it is really so different from my high school life. That is the change, my life growing process; from immature to mature, but i really doubt about it because my friends said that i am so childish. Think of the positive side, at least they never said that i am so babyish. And yes, they did not say that. Glad to hear it, but even if they do say it, i wouldn't mind about it because i will change as i grow up. We will see how long this word ( childish ) last on me. Muahahaha... ( to be continue )

Nevertheless, i am going back to Kuching nearly every month. So, my dear friends in Kuching, its normal for u guys to see me AGAIN every month for this year only. For next year, well, i am not so sure about it. We 'll see about that if i manage to past my examination right here, or else u guys will be annoyed by me, ur 'little angel' , again... hahaha... =p On the bright side, i can be with my family and stay at home, where i will be treated like a princess in my home, and fill my tummy with lots of chef recommended culinary ( my mum's cooking ). Yea, continue being mum and dad 's little girl ( i know i will always be ^u^) Hahaha...'''

Speaking of angels, i suddenly thought of Angels and Demons, the movie i watched when i last went back to Kuching. Angels = Yienhua's dog, which is white in colour. And that she told me to get myself a black dog with the name Demon. Sweat right. Then, before i took the flight to Penang, i was looking through the birthday presents that i had received and saw the black dog which i thought it was a teddy bear when i open it during my secondary 2 birthday. And that's it, i already have a 'pet dog' ( which is actually a soft toy ), named Demon... hahaha... =='''

Where was i again? i guess i was lost in what am i going to write in this post, because finally i can sign into my account due to the lousy wireless connection here in my hostel. Believe it or not, they block mostly every website. How are we suppose to online ? I can't even sign in my msn when i m here in my hostel. X_X

Well, i don't wish to blame the college, or else this post will be 'polluted' with lots of dissatisfaction.

Guess i will stop here right now, till then to be continue...

ChaptErs

Today, is like a very very long day after you left... Weilin. Girl, you are really one incredible person that i have ever met. Like i said before, u care for everyone, solve everybodies problem as though its your problem. I am really glad i get to know you, emo queen... Haha... The truth, you know me well for only just a few months. And we really have lots of lots of things in common. As i am thinking of it, we really share lots of things together for the past few months. Though its just a short period of time, i really really do feel like we are together for many years of time. Don't you worry, i will remember all the moments, happy or sad and even this past few weeks of the distance that is created before you leave because its the bits that we shared together. Although i knew that you prefer me to remember the happy ones. And yea, you are right, if you approach me to tell me about it, we might end up breaking down together and flood the whole acms... Hahaha...

Our friendship will still go on and i really really do hope to see u again no matter when and where. I know i am not good at expressing my feelings, but i do want you to know that you are like a sister to me, not a mum actually, except when you start nagging. Now, everything here is like so empty and quiet. Sorry for not staying in the hostel till you leave, i really don't want you to see my crying face, instead i want you to always remember the smilling face that always stay in my expression. Just like what you want me to remember, and that is what i want you to remember. Yea, another one thing in common again.^^

Well, now we are like in different path but in the same boat to achieve our dream, i really really do hope that it come true. So i will try hard and do my best in everything. Nag me everyday if it is possible so that i will be more hardworking instead of sleeping the whole day. And sooner or later this eggy sure turn into one sleepyhead egg... Haha and get myself a new nickname... Hoho...

Love + Miss you.... ^u^

Pathetic + Proud + Consideration

Hahaha.... its so funny.... i failed my computer test (undang-undang) for three times....i m not kidding....Seriously, i failed it.... like to pass it, i must get 42, but the first time, i m stuck with the score of 39, so does the second test when i was re-taking it. Well, for the third time, hehe... i got improvement.... coz i mange to break the record of the score of 39.... Hahaha..... i score 41.... though, just one more score then i will passsssssssss.....but never mind, and i am proud to say about it because i found it very funny... Hohoho.... so pathetic...=.=''' yet very funny... Really, it is so funny... Hmm, maybe i will re-take it again and try to see whether i can i make it through or not. Although i told my mum, and she asked to forget of the re-take thing, i still want to re-take it after all the matter that were take into consideration. For instance, that is my future life (no matter what). I mean, u can't expect me to rely on others to fetch me to work or whenever there is emergency i must call others to come and bring me. This will take time, and by then, emergency had turn into disasters and also, i will trouble lots of people to fetch me and so on. They will be crazy if they were to do so.Another alternative way is to ride bicycle, but i doubt about it because i do not know how to cycle, if i do know, maybe when i reach the destination, i will become the patient of emergency... Hahaha... Hohoho.... =.=''' Things will find its way because it will never remain the same every second, minute, hour, week, month and year... Well, i got to do my revision for my mathematics and chemistry now due to the coming up quiz... or else i will dead, i tell u, DEAD~~~~ X_X

Hahahahahahahahahahaha =P

HaPPy

Hahaha... another as usual day of my college life in ACMS. Nothing changes much though i went to my aunt's house for the holiday that we had taken by our self. Hmm, its fun there, because i enjoyed it so much + i went to the churches there to celebrate Good Friday and Ester. ^^ its a different experience... Hahaha... Furthermore, i get to meet all my cousins. Yea, that's a great thing, cz we are family...... A very very very big family... Hoho...

Oh and i cant stop my excitement.... Because tomorrow will be my Birthday.... so i will sing a song for myself.... Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday to ME.... Happy birthday to me~.... Haha... this year will be a very different birthday for me due to .... hehehe... i am not there to be with my family and friends back in Kuching. As u all know right, i am in Penang currently.... And as for Lishyuan, i am not that childish anymore ok?? Just because u are childish doesn't make me one like u.... Hahaha.... =P

Once again... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MYSESLF ...Hohoho hehe

InneR

Each and everyday i feel like i am getting worst and did not know what to do. Each and every time i am getting better at hiding it safe in the little drawer of my heart and lock it tightly and unleash it when i am struggling. I do not know how i feel right now, but i do know that i am so pathetic right this moment. I felt guilty when i felt like i hurt someone; mind what others think about me; confuse when things went complicated; lost when i have no direction; and sorry when i have make a mistake. I would not realise what i have done and what i just did to others.
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Today, everything seems so wrong for me. It is another usual day, cloudy and seems like its going to rain. And tonight, i will be on my own as my friend, Serene is not going to be with me in the same room again. Well, she is leaving, i mean going back to Kuching, as she is more into pharmacy. Yesterday night was fun, we all had dinner at Noodle Station and bought slices of cakes of different flavour and combined it as a farewell for Serene. Later that, we went back to our hostel and played "truth or dare" till 2.00 a.m. in the morning. It was a night to remember for it was a farewell party for Serene. I am worst when to express my feelings. Lots of thing is in my mind and i do not know what to say. All i know was that i am so lost and did not know what to say to her. It is better that way because i tend to be so clam and be numb as it was like the day when i first came to Penang where i left the family and friends, though it is very very different. Although there were many things happened lately between us, i still could not believe that our moments of together ends right here. Maybe in the future, we will meet again. Till then goodbye and good luck.
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Things are so complicated right now. It is the inner war of myself. There is a part of me wishes to go home and left all the things behind because i really felt sick and sad when i was remind of the issues which arises, which is i maybe will neglected my family. But deep inside i knew that i will regret if this is the reason why i abandon my ambition. So i told mum, and she understands well and gave me the right medicine which i needed so badly from her. Mum told me to stay strong and always pray to God. She even told me this, "it is how you manage your own time. Mommy and daddy will understand that its your responsible. We raise you up, but we are not always there to be with you throughtout your journey in your life. We play our role as parents and support you in all ways." The next thing was, i m crying while i was talking with my mum through the phone. That was when i walked back to hostel in the rainny day in the dark night without taking my umbrella along with me.
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Recently, i really cannot be very positive. The other side of me is still attacking the positive side of mine. When will this war ends? I don't really know. I do really need some advises right now and to strenghten myself. Untill this war ends, so does my silent tears stops, and my sunny day would be back again.